How will this affect how I will live?

About a week and a half ago I got a headache.  A headache that ended up being a migraine.

A headache that left the left side of my face numb and tingly.

A headache that landed me in the ER for the better part of a Saturday, because evidently people take it pretty seriously when you can't feel your face.

After an MRI of my brain, the ER doc said that he saw some things that could be something (MS?) and could be nothing and could I please follow up with a neurologist within a week?

Gulp.

I was fortunate to get an appointment with a wonderful doctor...but not for ten entire days.  Sometimes ten days is not that many.  And sometimes it's a lot.

This time it was a lot.

Friends, I know that God has a plan for my life, and I know that His plan is the best for me.  But a quote from C.S. Lewis resonates with me:

“We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.”

I was nervous about what a diagnosis would mean for my kids, for me and Nate, for my day-to-day activities, for the long-term, for the short-term...

How would this affect how I will live?

Well, friends, over the past day or two, the numbness in my face has started to leave, and finally(!) today came- the day that I could meet with the neurologist and hopefully receive some answers.

The long and short of it is this- 

1)  The likelihood that I have MS is pretty small.  I will have a follow-up MRI in six months to make sure that nothing has changed.

2)  Most likely the migraine was caused by stress/tension, and we'll take some steps to remedy that.

And now I'm left with this.

How will this affect how I will live?

Friends, I'm thankful that the outcome of my appointment was clean, and I am not walking out of there with a long-term diagnosis.

But friends?  Can I be honest?  I felt a little guilty walking out of there and allowing myself to feel relieved.  There are so many people around me who recently have walked out of appointments and not felt relief- but dread.

I am thankful that for another day I have received a clean bill of health.

But why?  Why did God allow me to experience these things...and come out on the healthy side?  What lessons have I learned?

How will this affect how I will live?

I'm not totally sure yet.  But so far I'm left with two things:

1)  Each day that I can get out of bed with a smile on my face, kiss Nate, play with my kids, keep up with my house, exercise, you name it...I need to be thankful for that.  Health is a gift.

2)  My devotion this morning happened to be from Hebrews 6:12, and I think it applies.  "We do not want you to be come lazy [slothful], but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised."  There's a lot there, friends...and how will it affect how I will live?