Compliments are for other people.

The other day Nate told me I looked beautiful.

My response consisted of a snort and a response that might have included the words "sea cow."

I mean, I didn't feel beautiful, so his words couldn't be true, and he was obviously just saying it because he wanted me to feel good.

Ahem.

So we had a discussion, and it turns out that he really did mean those words.  Also, he was quite insulted that I didn't believe and trust him.

Well, this is the deal. 

I love Nate.  I trust Nate.  Nate does not lie.  He loves me more than anybody else- evidenced by the ring on my hand- so I'm pretty sure he wouldn't make an exception to lie to only me.

So...why didn't I believe him?

I trust Nate completely in everything else, so why wouldn't I trust him in his opinion of me?

It's not just Nate, you know.  If a friend or a coworker tells me that I am good at something, I politely say thank you and think in my head one of two things: 1) "Yeah, I'm ok at it, but if they saw that thing that that other person did, they'd realize that I'm really not that good at all."  or 2) "Heh.  They must realize what a crappy job that I did, and they're just trying to make me feel good about myself."

Sigh.

You see, I'm a perfectionist.

And perfectionism is CRAP.

But claiming perfectionism is not a good excuse, and I shouldn't just leave it at that.

Because I know two things:

1)  God has given me good gifts and abilities.

2)  God did not give me the biggest or best portion of those gifts, but He gave me exactly what He wants me to have. 

I'm imperfect.  But God can use my imperfection too.

You see, even if I try to do something, and I fail...what I do with the failure matters too.  I can use the broken shards of whatever I dropped, and I can create something beautiful with them. 

I can be a witness in my failures just as well as I can witness through my successes.

So this is the deal. 

I need to believe Nate.  I need to accept the compliments that he and others give me.

I don't need to be the best quilter to make a pretty quilt.

I don't need to be shaped like a super model for my husband to think that I'm beautiful.

Because maybe what Nate sees is a woman that God purposefully created.  She has strengths and weaknesses, but more than anything she wants to use all of what God gave her to do His work.  And maybe that's more attractive to him than a perfect figure and clear skin.

And maybe I need to work on accepting that more often.