But what can I do????

(I was all ready to publish a different post...one about the kids.  But in the end I needed to type this today.)

Cancer sucks.

(Yup, I did just use the word "sucks."  I don't usually, but it's the strongest word I can think of using that will convey my feelings, yet not be completely inappropriate or offensive.)

I could keep going, but I feel like that about sums it up.

Cancer hits hard, and it seems like it's hit hard around me a lot recently.

It makes me mad.  I want to do something about it.

A year or so ago I was asked to complete the statement, "If I could ________, I would."

The only way I could think of completing that phrase was "If I could cure cancer, I would."  But then, what's stopping me?  If I really feel that strongly about it, why don't I enroll at the U, take a bunch of classes, and figure out how to cure cancer?

I can't.  I know that God has not given me a passion or ability for lab sciences.  I think it would be silly for me to try.

But then, WHAT CAN I DO???  Really?

How do I fight the fact that right now a very sweet friend is fighting again, and though she desperately wants to have kids, she can't start for another five years after she beats it this time?  How do I fight the fact that my mom's friend just found out she's very sick?  How do I do something to honor the fact that my sister-in-law is fighting and winning? 

How do I rage against the fact that so many people fight and lose?

I don't know.

But I am going to tell you something that's been bouncing around in my head.  I keep telling it to stop, but it won't.

I want to enter a race with the purpose of raising money for cancer research.

I can't be a lab scientist.

But I can raise money to help support lab scientists, right?

I want to fight.

I want to give a purpose to my running.

I want to run a long race.  I want to physically have to fight hard to make my effort worth something.

I do not want to run 26.2 miles.

But I think I might like to try 13.1.  

I found a program through the American Cancer Society that seems like it might be a good fit.  I haven't done a ton of research, but maybe...

This will not be today or tomorrow, it's something I need to work a lot on endurance-wise, but maybe in a year or two?

Yes, I know it sounds crazy.

But cancer sucks.  

And I want to do something about it.

(So there you have it.)